The Death of a Tyrant
by Kingfish
Summary: Gendo Ikari has met his end, and thus the floodgates to his secret life have been opened. With the help of a young police detective, Shinji and the old NERV team face the terrible truths and old enemies of the late Commander. Read and Enjoy!
1. Prologue

**The Death of a Tyrant**

The night stopped. The gentle breeze that swept in during the evening to cool Tokyo-3 had expired, all memories of what happened merely hours before were now a distant, fading picture. The drumming cadence of the cicadas in the tree overhead came to an indefinite pause as Misato Katsuragi peered over her dashboard to inspect the front of her car wrapped around the trunk. Deathly afraid to look behind her, she remained motionless in her seat, letting her chocolate brown eyes drift down past the dashboard to gaze at the passengers seat, which was smothered by the left end of the leg guard and the contents of her glove compartment, which was forced open at the moment of impact and set forth an explosion of paper. Her breathing grew ragged as a sharp pain in her leg finally begged to be noticed. C'mon, Misato, she thought, grinding her teeth together to suppress any moan of agony that would escape her lips. Pull it together.

But she couldn't. The images of the crash were burned into the back of her mind, replaying themselves over and over again in rapid succession. The road was too slick. Had she known, she wouldn't have jerked the wheel so hard to swerve out of his way. But she did. The car fishtailed, and the whole back end slammed into him like a sledgehammer, sending him flying into the street and skidding across the pavement.

"A goddamned pedestrian," she breathed, gazing out of her shattered side window to view the winding mountain road that she ran off of. Even in this state of confusion and shock, she still had to wonder why someone would be walking around that far from the city in the middle of the night. Granted, Tokyo-3 had more than its fair share of crazies and homeless, but none that ventured so far from the root that fueled their vagrancy. But she had been proven wrong that night, and she paid for it with dire consequences. Her head was still turned from where she knew he would be lying, even more discouraged that there were no sounds coming from that direction. No screams, no groans, only silence. Slowly, quietly, she turned her head and looked beyond the rear window. A crumpled mass lay on the street, only a silhouette in the dark that bordered the final ring of light from the dim street lamp.

It wasn't moving.

Misato's stomach tightened, and suddenly she felt like she was going to throw up. Horror began to spread across her face like an infectious plague, and suddenly she was compelled to step outside of the car's twisted frame. She winced in pain as she bore her weight on her leg, but was relieved to find that she could stand. Her eyes still locked on shapeless lump on the pavement, she limped towards it. Her nausea was soon amplified with a nagging sensation in the back of her mind as she drew closer. For some reason, something was familiar….

She wagged the notion out of her head, but paused for a brief moment when the full reality of what had just occurred struck. An involuntary gasp escaped her soft lips, and she stumbled to catch her balance. Once she steadied herself, another dreadful reality popped into her brain: She had absolutely no idea what to do. Of course, there would be a situation in everyone's life that would leave them clueless, but to up to this point in her life, Misato had kept those situations to a bare minimum. She had damn near made a name for herself for her level-headedness alone. But now she stood a few feet away from a person who was almost certainly dead because of her, and she couldn't think of a plan.

"Maybe…maybe he was drunk.." she mumbled, forcing herself to take another step forward, squinting her eyes in the dark so she could get a clearer view of the shapeless form. Her eyes adjusted, and she made out the figure of a man. He was tall and lean with a blazer draped loosely over broad shoulders. A nice one, too, she commented to herself, not sure whether she was joking or not. It was probably suede, she decided. She took another step, and glass cracked underneath her foot. "Probably part of one of my windows," she said unsteadily as she lifted her foot. To her surprise, a pair of small wire framed glasses stared back at her. Her heel had crushed one of the lenses, but the other seemed to be in good shape. Almost unconsciously, she bent down and snatched them off the pavement, holding hem against the light of the streetlamp.

She tried her best to stifle the scream as she dropped the glasses back on the street, but couldn't. The glasses were tinted orange.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Shinji Ikari pulled his head back in a yawn before going back to staring out the passenger window of Ritsuko Akagi's four-door sedan. It was still dark, but he could see the faint orange outline of the dawn peeking behind the mountains behind Tokyo-3. He glanced at his watch. 5:15 AM. Still three hours before school started, and hours more before he had to make the trip down to NERV. And yet there he was, coming to the end of the ridge that signaled all who made the frequent trip to the secret base that the gate wasn't far ahead.

Shinji was halfway through the third movement of Beethoven's ninth symphony before the phone rang. Quickly, he had turned off his SDAT and listened. Insomnia, which he had come to know well, was not limited to playing tricks on the mind during the long hours of the night. Some tricks were more believable than others, and imagining a phone ringing was certainly not out of the question. A few moments passed, and the phone rang again. Shinji got out of bed with a start, stumbling blindly across the room to the phone. He fumbled for the handle of the receiver, and slowly brought it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Shinji?" spoke a female voice on the other end. It was Ritsuko. "Shinji, get dressed. I'm coming to pick you up in twenty minutes."

Shinji hesitated. "Okay," he said awkwardly. "Is everything alright, Ritsuko? Is there another angel?"

"I'll explain everything once we get to NERV," she said quickly. She sounded panicked. "Hurry up and get dressed."

Forty-five minutes later, they arrived at the gate. Ritsuko hadn't said a word the entire trip, but Shinji hadn't made an attempt to pull anything out of her. Her stony face, remarkably bereft of makeup that she forgot to put on stared straight ahead, telling him that her mind was on other things. She waved at the gate guard before he retreated into the guardhouse, and they drove past descending the tunnel into the complex. Shinji sighed and bowed his head, occasionally glancing at the blur of the tunnel lights whizzing by. He took a breath to say something, but paused. Ritsuko glanced over at him, her dark eyes still fabulous without her eyeshadow.

"It's not another angel, Shinji," she stated somewhat passively.

"It's not?"

"No," she said, crinkling her nose. Shinji nodded, stealing at look over at her. He thought she looked even more beautiful without all that makeup. "Then what is it?" he asked.

"Just wait. I'll tell everyone once we're all together."

The rode the rest of the time in silence until they got to the parking garage. Once they got out, Ritsuko headed for the elevator. "Everyone's expected to muster at conference room A in fifteen minutes," she called over her shoulder. "Don't be late." Shinji gave an affirming nod and a timid wave.

"Okay," he said. The elevator door open and closed behind her, leaving Shinji alone for roughly five seconds before a voice came from across the garage. "What the hell's going on, Third Child?" It was Asuka. She gave a vindictive stare before approaching him.

Shinji shrugged. "I don't know. Ritsuko won't tell me until we're all in the conference room." A small smile spread across his thin lips as Asuka emerged from the darkness and stood beside him. She was wearing pink pajamas. Pink pajamas with little bears holding hearts embroidered on them. Asuka grimaced.

"They're Hikari's," she muttered.

"Uh-huh."

"Don't play with me, _dumkompf_," she yelled, smacking him in the chest with the back of her hand. "I forgot to bring pajamas for the sleepover and-"

"Sure, Asuka. I understand. Say no more."

"Oh, shut up!" She threw her hands up in the air and headed for the elevator, and Shinji watched her with a large grin. It had been almost two years since they'd been living in the same household, giving Shinji enough time to learn how to handle her. He learned slowly, but he learned it, nonetheless.

"It better not be YOUR fault we're all here this early in the morning, idiot!" she yelled before the elevator doors opened. "Or you'll have me to answer to!" Shinji nodded, still smiling. "Yes, I know," he said. "I'll have to answer to you and all those terrifying bears that have joined you."

"SHUT UP!" The doors closed behind her. Shinji laughed before he walked towards the elevators as well. The doors slid open again, Rei Ayanami inside, standing as still as a statute. She gave him a brief glance and a quick nod, which was more of an acknowledgement than Shinji or anyone else was used to on normal days. Shinji stepped in keeping his eyes on the ground. For some reason, he always felt nervous around her. He finally made a nod back at her in reply. "Good morning, Ayanami.

"Good morning, Ikari," she said. Her voice was smooth yet mechanical, giving her and air of beauty that was meticulously calculated and even artificial. The elevator was quiet for some moments, Shinji focusing on the floor buttons, trying to find something to say. It was very difficult to talk to her. But to his benefit, only he seemed to pull the most out of her than anyone else.

It's probably because of my father, he reasoned, remembering the cracked orange tinted glasses that would forever sit atop Rei's dresser. When he thought about it, it looked like a shrine. The glasses looked carefully arranged on top of a white tablecloth, resembling something like a relic that was owned by a saint. Shinji grunted at the thought.

"Are you ill, Ikari?" Rei asked, her red eyes shifting towards him in the blankest manner possible.

Shinji hesitated, then shook his head. "No, Ayanami. I was just thinking." The hum of the shaft cables reigned the silence for some moments more before Rei spoke up again. "What were you thinking about?"

Shinji's heart jumped into his throat, and he didn't have time to catch himself before he turned to her, his face covered in a bewildered stare. What seemed like a just a question to most people was an outlandish dream for those who thought about Rei. She usually stuck to the bare minimum when it came to talking. She dropped her head to scan her body before looking back up to the baffled teen. "Are you you certain that you aren't ill, Ikari?"

Shinji snapped out of his trance, and fumbled for words. "Oh, uh, yes, sorry. I was just surprised, that's all."

"I do not understand. Why were you surprised?"

"I dunno," said Shinji, rubbing the back of his head. "You've just never asked that question before."

"I asked you now because I was never curious about anything you have said to me in the past."

"…Oh. I see." Shinji didn't know quite how to take that. Rei could be so blunt sometimes. "Well, I was thinking about my father."

"Commander Ikari?"

"Yes, him." Shinji replied with a small grimace. "May I ask you a question, Rei?"

"That would be acceptable."

"Do you idolize my father?" The question surprised even Shinji with its boldness.

"I do not understand. Are you asking if I think your father is a deity of some fashion? If that is what you are asking, then my answer would be that I do not."

"No, Ayanami, that isn't what I'm asking," said Shinji, pausing for a minute to word the question correctly. "I guess what I'm asking is, do you think you are in eternal debt to my father?"

"Yes, I am," she stated immediately.

Shinji furrowed his thin brows, perturbed. "Why?"

"There are many reasons."

"What reasons?"

"I am in debt to him because he saved my life. I am in debt to him also because he gave me purpose."

"And what's your purpose?"

"My purpose is to pilot EVA," she said smoothly, staring straight ahead at the metallic doors. The words sent a furious shiver down Shinji's spine. "And what happens when you're done piloting EVA?" he asked hoarsely, trying his best to keep a lid on an outburst.

"Then my purpose will be fulfilled."

"You're saying that you won't have any purpose when you're finished piloting EVA?"

"Correct."

Shinji gritted his teeth as a wave of frustration passed over him. This wasn't the first time that he had this conversation with Rei, but her answers would continually astonish him, no matter how many times he heard them. He leaned against the side of the elevator, helpless. "Have you ever had any dreams, Rei?"

"Negative. I never dream when I sleep."

"No, I'm asking if you've ever had any goals. Any aspirations?"

"My only goal is to pilot EVA until I am not needed." She paused, turning to him. "Are you having difficulty understanding, Ikari?"

Shinji shook his head. "No. You just confuse me, that's all."

"There is nothing to be confused about."

"I am only confused about one thing," Shinji replied, taking a step towards her. "Why would lay down your life for a man who would throw it away like it was a piece of garbage? He's done it before, Rei. He cares for no one except himself and what he wants." He could see his father in the back of his mind as he said this, staring down at him from the viewing window of Unit 01's hangar like God would at an ant. But Rei's voice came immediately, smooth and beautiful and unaffected.

"Your accusations against the Commander may or may not be true, Ikari," she said, turning back to the doors. "Nonetheless, my purpose is to pilot EVA, so that is what I will do. The Commander's feelings towards me are irrelevant."

The rest of he ride down to the Geofront was silent. When the doors opened, Shinji stepped out and turned to Rei. "I'm sorry if my questions offended you, Ayanami," he said with a slight bow.

"They did not," she said, staring at him from inside. Shinji managed a small smile in thanks when she said nothing else, and turned around to leave. Suddenly, as if on cue, Rei took a step forward. "It is always pleasant to talk to you, Ikari. I would appreciate it if you would not let your feelings toward this conversation affect the ones we might have in the future."

Shinji stopped, but didn't dare turn around to look at her. He nodded, heart pounding in chest. "Okay," he squeaked, and quickly hurried off the conference room, hating himself for continually being surprised by her.

Conference room A was already full when Shinji walked in. Blushing as the random chatter hushed and he received brief stares, he quickly chose a seat between Asuka and Misato at the far end of giant U-shaped table that everyone sat around. "Way to be on time, _dumkomf,_" Asuka grumbled before laying her head down on the table. Shinji ignored her and turned to Misato, who was silently staring forward. Her hair was disheveled and there were bags under her eyes, an obvious sign that she hadn't had any sleep that night. However, Shinji quickly dismissed it as anything unusual. NERV would have her keep late hours, especially if there was something wrong with the EVAs. "Do you know what's going on, Misato?"

Misato didn't reply.

"Misato?" Shinji leaned forward, resting his hand on the red leather of her motocycle jacket. "Misato, are you alright?"

Misato quickly recovered from her trance, jerking her head towards Shinji and cracking a small smile. "Oh, hey, Shinji. Didn't see you come in."

Shinji's eyebrows furrowed as he drew back. "Do you feel alright?"

Misato turned forward again and nodded. "Yes, I'm fine. Just tired."

Her voice was soft and remote, barely audible amongst the banter that clogged the walls of the small conference room. Ritsuko Akagi stood at the podium in the front and cleared her throat. "Alright, everybody. I need your undivided attention." The room quickly fell silent. With a slight nod, she continued. "I'm sure most of you are wondering why I called this meeting so early in the morning, but I can assure you it is of the utmost importance. For those who had to get out of bed early and come up here, I apologize." She paused. "I'm not sure how to put this lightly, so I'm just going to come right out and say it. Commander Gendo Ikari, who is, as you all know, head in command of NERV and the EVA program, has been reported missing as of 2:42 AM this morning."

The room immediately erupted in gasps and whispers. Asuka picked her head up off the desk, her mouth agape and Shinji felt his heart about to leap from his chest. Misato said nothing. One of the maintenance engineers spoke up. "Excuse me, m'am, but how do we know the Commander is missing? It's not even half past five, so how do we know he's not still at home or somewhere else before he comes into work?"

Ritsuko narrowed her eyes and shook her head. "The Commander's schedule is very rigid," she explained, putting a flat palm in the air to quiet the room again. "He never deviates from it, and he makes sure that someone knows it. It's somewhat of a warning mechanism. If there's a discrepancy in the schedule, then you can be sure that something's wrong. He was supposed to call in at 2:40 this morning," she glanced instinctively at her watch. "When he didn't call, we decided to track his position using his cell phone signal. When we didn't pick it up, it was clear that something was very wrong. We declared him missing two minutes later." There were whispers again as Ritsuko continued. "The Tokyo-3 police department had been notified, and a full-scale investigation will be launched. I called all of you here this morning to notify you of an immediate change of command until this matter is resolved. Effective immediately, Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki will assume the title of Commander of NERV and all the responsibilities and powers given therein, and I will assume the responsibility of his second-in-command. I can assure you once the Commander is found that these changes will be reversed."

The whispers grew into a gentle hum. "This comes as a shock to all of us, but we must all try to carry on business as usual in the Commander's stead. I would like thank all of you for coming once more. You are dismissed. Report to duty at your scheduled times." Ritsuko gave Shinji a brief glance, and left the room. Shinji summoned all his inner strength to keep his jaw from going agape. His heart was racing, and the talk inside the room tunneled into distant echoes. He raised a slender hand to his forehead. "I-I can't believe it," he stammered. "This is…I can't believe it!"

"I sure as hell can," Asuka grumbled, effectively hiding her shock with feigned frustration. "I always knew the Commander Ikari would fly the coop one day." She leaned back in her chair, rocking it slightly. "Good riddance if you ask me. He never seemed committed to stay to the very end, anyway."

Something in that sentence struck Shinji to the core. It wasn't uncommon, Asuka had a knack for pushing Shinji's buttons, but never in a way that would make him want to defend his father. Nevertheless, he turned and glared at her, his jaw grinding his teeth. "You don't know my father," he hissed. "So don't talk about him like you do."

"And _you_ know him?" Asuka snorted, leaning forward in her chair. "You don't know anymore about him than I do, Shinji. Although I can't blame you. A man who abandons his child at an early age and re-enters his life more than ten years later only to use him to his own ends isn't a man worth knowing to me." The words dealt a blow that Shinji wasn't prepared for, sending a spark of rage jolting to his mind to make his lips move without consultation from his conscious, causing him to pull no punches.

"Oh, and a suicidal schizophrenic who would rather talk to a _doll_ like it's her daughter for the rest of her life is? Although I can't blame _her_, Asuka. _You_ never shut your GODDAMN MOUTH!" The last words roared from Shinji mouth, and all other talk in the room came to a screeching halt. All eyes were on Shinji as Asuka's mouth hung wide, her jaw quivering. Tears began to well in her sapphire eyes. It was only then that Shinji realized he'd forgotten that Asuka never mentioned her childhood consciously. It was always in her sleep. Shinji used to lay awake at night, listening to her moaning and crying and yelling as she thrashed in her bed in the adjacent room. Asuka shot up from her chair, her fists shaking.

"How _dare_ you!"

Misato finally intervened. "That's enough." she said softly, standing between them. Neither noticed that she was limping. "It's early, and you both have school. Asuka, ask Ritsuko to give you a ride back to the apartment to get your uniform. Shinji, go to the cafeteria and get something for breakfast. I expect no more talk like that between the two of you. Understood?" Asuka said nothing. She stormed out of the room on the verge of sobs, receiving confused glances from the rest of the rooms occupants as she did. Shinji watched her as his anger subsided, and suddenly his mind was heavy with guilt. He sighed. This was going to be a very bad day.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 **

Ryuji Sako frowned heavily at the monitor screen, which was refusing to download his evidence file for his latest case onto the hard drive for the ninth time that evening. He cursed under his breath and exited the program and rebooted the computer. The computer mainframe for Precinct 22 had always been operating below average, but in the past few weeks employees had been reporting more problems than usual. And now, almost two weeks later, the guys from the information technology office still hadn't sent word of any progress. At this point, Ryuji had serious doubts that an information technology branch even existed. An exasperated grunt escaped his lips as he leaned back in his chair, his eyes wandering over to the picture of his family that sat in the back of his cubicle, barely visible over the piles of papers and pictures and profiles that were scattered in disorganized stacks all over his desk. It was taken just after his son's first communion in front of the church, his wife Kika smiling back at him in a beautiful white summer dress as she clung to her son Takeshi's shoulders, who held a vocation card of Saint Francis Xavier proudly in the air. Ryuji's heart sank into his stomach as he realized that night marked his third month on the detective night shift, which was the worst shift that anyone who had a family could get. Afternoon picnics after school and family dinners were now but a distant memory with no end in sight. He sighed and leaned forward in his seat as the computer started to boot up, and then there was a knock on the side of his cubicle.

"It's open."

Ryuji's boss, Lieutenant Nobuo Tanaka, poked his head into the cubicle. He was taller than usual for a Japanese with broad shoulders and an unshaven chin. Like most bosses who oversaw the night watch, he was more of a friend than a superior. "Hey, Sako. Are you busy?" Ryuji shook his head, still facing the computer. "I would be if the damn computers worked like they were supposed to. I've been trying to download the evidence file for the Hidetada case for the past hour."

Tanaka frowned, cocking his head sideways as he entered the cubicle and leaned over Ryuji's shoulder. "Have you tried rebooting the computer?"

Ryuji nodded. "This was the tenth time."

"Then call the Info Techs. They should know what to do."

"The Info Techs get paid to sit on their asses and play video games, Nobuo. Everyone knows that."

Tanaka shrugged. "I don't know what else to tell you, Ryuji."

"You could tell me I'm off of the night shift effective immediately."

Tanaka laughed. "Yeah, and then I'll tell you that you've been promoted to Chief of Police."

"No, just tell me that I'm off of night duty and I'll be fine."

"Look, Detective," said Tanaka, resting his hand on his friend's shoulder. He always started a sentence off with 'Detective' whenever he was about to say something inspirational. Or try to, at least. "I know night duty sucks, but you've got to hang in there with me. Think about how _I_ feel. I've been doing this for going on two years."

"You don't have a wife and son, Nobuo." Ryuji grunted, turning his head.

"Touche." Tanaka smiled, and patted Ryuji's shoulder before plopping a manila folder on his desk. "You're off the Hidetada case."

"What?" Ryuji whirled around in his chair, staring daggers at the lieutenant. "I've been working that case for going on a month, Nobuo!"

"Oromi's got it now."

Ryuji's mouth hung open. "The new kid!"

"The new kid."

"What for?"

"Because you're the only Catholic Christian in Japan, that's why." Tanaka said, smiling. He liked to poke fun at Ryuji's religion.

"There's over ten thousand of us, thank you very much," Ryuji countered, picking up the file. "Mind telling me what this is?"

"Your new case."

"Gee," Ryuji muttered. "Screw you very much."

"You're welcome."

Ryuji opened the envelope to see a large picture of a stony faced man attached to a profile. He was wearing orange-shaded glasses. "Who's this?"

"That-" Tanaka explained, leaning forward to tap the photo on the folder. "is Gendo Ikari."

Ryuji paused for a moment. "Wait. That name rings a bell."

"It should." Tanaka smiled. "He's the Commander of NERV."

Ryuji's brows furrowed. "You mean the organization that manages those giant robots to fight the giant aliens?"

"If you mean the organization that manages Evangelion to fight the Angels, then yes."

Ryuji turned back to the file, and began flipping through the pages. "What's the case?"

"Just a missing person's report for the time being."

"How long since he's been missing?"

"It was called in about three and a half hours ago. The woman I spoke to, Dr. Akagi I think, said that he had been missing for about thirty minutes prior to her calling."

"Only thirty minutes?"

"She said that he adheres to a rigid schedule."

"I'll bet."

"Her number is in the folder. I had Aya put together all we had on the guy, which isn't much. All the contacts for NERV are in there, though."

Ryuji nodded, closing the folder and turning back to Tanaka. "I guess my next question is, why hasn't this been picked up by the Feds, or at least the provincial authorities? Handling cases for government officials isn't usually passed down to us, unless-"

"They don't want this information to get up that high," Tanaka finished.

Ryuji shook his head. "What the hell for?"

Tanaka shrugged. "Beats me. All I know is that Dr. Akagi and the staff over at NERV is in our direct chain of command, so I didn't ask too many questions."

"I don't know about this, Tanaka," Ryuji said. "I mean, what do we tell Province on Thursday when they ask for our weekly case reports?"

"They're hoping it won't take that long."

"You mean NERV?"

"Yes."

Ryuji sighed, pinching his temples with his fingers. "So I guess I'm working overtime?"

"If you crack this one, I'll recommend you get switched to the day shift." Tanaka said, leaning against the feeble frame of the cubicle.

"Famous last words, huh?" Ryuji snorted.

"Not if you think positively."

"I'll keep that in mind, Mister Rogers," Ryuji said, turning back to his desk.

"Keep me posted if you find anything," Tanaka said. "By the way, how's Kika?"

Ryuji turned, a small smile forming on his face. "She's fine. Takeshi got his report card the other day. Straight A's."

"You must be proud."

"Very."

"That's great," Tanaka said, turning to leave. "Say hello for me."

"I will." Ryuji said.

When Tanaka left, Ryuji picked up the phone, which connected automatically to the station's switchboard. He flipped open the folder and scanned the numbers page for NERV's main office. The voice of a young female piped up on the line. "Good morning, Detective. What can I do for you?"

"Hi, Ayane." Ryuji said, his eyed glued to the file. "I was wondering if you could connect me at this number…"


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Shinji barely noticed that he has drifted off into a daydream. He had been staring at the handout in front of him while mindlessly flipping through his Western History textbook, and suddenly found himself in a spiraling maze of questions without answers. Although he had an apparent distaste for his father, Shinji had never considered how he would feel whenever something like what was announced earlier that morning happened. He began to feel something shrinking inside of him, like a feeling of abandonment. He argued with himself about it, trying to push the memories of his father's selected appearances in his childhood out of his mind while fighting back the notion that Gendo Ikari had once again disappeared from his life.

"_It's not like he was apart of my life anyway." _he reasoned.

"_How do you figure?"_ inquired an contending voice inside his head.

"_He only asked me to pilot EVA. He never asked to be a part of my life again, never once apologized for everything he has done, he never even once sat down to have a conversation with me. His own son…"_

"_And by that logic, you conclude that he was never a part of your life?"_

"_Well, yes, of course he was. But that was long ago. Besides, he'll probablybe back in a couple of days oreven hoursanyway. Then things will be the way they always were."_

Nagging at the other side of his conscious was his verbal assault on Asuka right after the conference. He had never meant to have such an outburst in front of such a large group of people, and much less an outburst that concerned one of the darkest secrets that Asuka kept hidden from everyone else. Whatever was shrinking inside of him grew smaller, and his stomach became heavy with guilt.

"Mister Ikari?" The voice of his teacher sent him reeling back into reality, turning his cheeks red with embarrassment when he found the entire class staring back at him except Rei, who kept herself turned forward in her desk. Asuka was turned forward too, and Hikari was staring daggers at him in the desk behind her. _"Oh, God." _he thought, _"Asuka told her."_ Shinji looked back at the professor, who was tapping his feet impatiently by the blackboard, his fingers white with chalk. "Would you care to answer the question, Mister Ikari, or should I move on to someone else?"

Shinji hesitated, and then shook his head. "I'm sorry, professor. What was the question."

The professor grunted, pointing to the writing on the chalkboard. "What event almost provoked British involvement in the Civil War?"

The professor's vindictive gaze was met with a blank stare as Shinji shook his head. Touji Suzuhara snickered next to him. "Wow, Ikari, you're screwed." he whispered.

Shinji ignored him. "I'm sorry, professor, I-"

"I know the answer." Asuka said in an unusually silent voice, raising her silk-white hand in the air.

"Yes, Miss Sohryu?"

"It was the Trent Affair." she answered, her voice pitching low and harsh. There was absolute rage in it, pent up to a boiling point and ready to burst.

The professor nodded. "Correct. Two British diplomats were captured aboard a Confederate vessel in 1861, which, to the outrage of the England, were refused to be turned over into British custody by the Union. It was only until the British threatened to rally to the support of the Confederacy in the conflict did the Union relinquish the diplomats with a full apology, thus avoiding a major turning point in the war in favor of the South. This event was called the Trent Affair." The professor glanced at his watch. "Okay, class, it's time to break for lunch. Be back in your seats at 1:30."

Shinji watched in dismay as Asuka quickly shot up from her seat and exited the classroom with Hikari close behind. Touji snickered, leaning over to Shinji and nudging his shoulder. "Wow, look at the she-Satan go. She looks like she's ready to tear someone's head off." he chuckled, leaning over to snatch his sack-lunch beside his desk. "I feel sorry for you, man. You actually have to live with her."

Shinji shook his head, staring out the window. "…It's my fault."

Touji snorted as he pulled a sandwich out of the bag. "Yeah? And how on Earth could you be responsible for her eternal state of PMS?" He looked over at his friend to see his head dropping, taking a quick glance around the room to see if anyone else was there. When he saw that there wasn't, he turned to Touji.

"I said something to her this morning."

"What did you say?" Touji asked in a muffled tone, his mouth full of sandwich.

"Something…bad."

"Waitasec," Touji said, putting his sandwich down. "You mean that YOUR responsible for her mood today?"

Shinji sighed. "What did I just say?"

Touji shrugged. "Well, I mean, I thought that you were just blaming yourself for something you can't understand like you always do."

"I don't do that!"

"Shinji, c'mon, man…" Touji said behind a rueful stare. Shinji paused for a few seconds before conceding. Touji was definitely not the first person to point that particular flaw in his character out.

"Yeah, well, fine. But I'm serious this time. I really said something that really got her mad."

"Like what?"

"I'd rather not say it."

"That bad, huh?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, it only goes to prove what a jerk I am by saying this, but she had it coming to her." Touji concluded, setting his fist firmly on his desk. "It's high time she had a taste of her own medicine, y'know?"

Shinji shook his head. "No. Nobody deserves to have something that terrible said to them. Not even Asuka."

Touji's realization of Shinji's sincerity only fueled his curiosity. "Geez, man. Are you sure you can't tell me what you said to her?"

"I'm sure."

"'Cause I really wanna know."

"I'm sure, Touji."

Touji shrugged, turning back to his lunch. "Well, there's nothing you can do about it now. Just put it behind you. I'm sure it'll all blow over soon." he said, taking another bite out of his sandwich.

"I think I'm gonna apologize to her."

Touji nearly choked on his food when he gasp, sending him into a coughing fit. Shinji quirked a brow. "Are you okay, Suzuhara?"

"Oh God!" he gasped in between coughs. When he finished, he turned to Shinji a latched his hands onto the side of his friend's arms, struggling to catch his breath. "Are you crazy! Do you have any idea what she'll do to you if you talk to her now? It's suicide! Complete insanity! Shinji, listen to me, you survived all thirteen angels, don't throw your life away just by talking to that b-"

"Cut it out, Touji," Shinji protested, shrugging himself out of Suzuhara's grip. "I have to apologize. It's just the right thing to do." He stood and started for the door.

"Fine!" Touji called after him. "Walk into a Black Panther convention with some white sheets on while you're at it! Just don't be pissed when I say that I told you so!"

Shinji ignored Touji's last comment and walked out the door and down the hall towards the door to the quad. He didn't think that apologizing to Asuka. In fact, he was proud of himself for having the guts to stand in front of her and admit he was wrong. Two years prior, the thought wouldn't have even entered his mind. He'd come a long way from the nervous and self-destructive adolescent that existed during the Angel conflict. Now, at age seventeen, people had noticed him walking taller with his chin up (which was starting to grow a little stubble on it, finally), and his childish facial features began to sharpen into that of a young man. Some of his classmates were even heard talking about him on some occasions on how cute he'd become. And now, a newer and bolder Shinji Ikari was about to face one of the bitterest women that he knew. His heart swelled as he pushed the door open into the bustling courtyard, only to be stopped abruptly by Hikari, whose tiny hand rested on her hips. "And what do you think you're doing, Shinji?" she asked vehemently, her eyes narrowed into an angry glare.

Shinji looked down at her, determined not to let her get his resolve down. "Well, Hikari, I was on my way to-"

"You're _not_ going to talk to Asuka, are you? The last person she wants to see right now is you."

"Frankly, Hikari, I don't think it's any of your business." Shinji shot back, his cerulean eyes locked onto hers in a showdown of wills. Hikari stepped back in shock, then brought her finger forward to poke him in the chest.

"_Of course_, it's my business, idiot! I'm her best friend! It's my job to protect her interests!"

"That might be true, Hikari, but you can't apologize for me."

Hikari's features softened, and she shook her head. "I don't think an apology's going to work this time, Shinji. I've never seen her so upset."

"Yeah," Shinji crossed his arms and looked away. "I figured that."

"How could you say such a thing to her, Ikari?" she asked, her eyes pleading. "I know that you and her have had your ups and downs for years now, but nothing that would call for something like that to her."

"I know," Shinji said, clenching his jaw. "I just got so mad, and, well, it was already said before I knew I had said it." He turned his head back to Hikari. "Did she cry?"

Hikari nodded. "She's been crying all morning, Shinji. Haven't you noticed how many times she got up to use the restroom during class?"

"Yeah…" his voiced trailed. At that moment, now that he knew that he made Asuka cry, he would have given anything to change what happened earlier that morning. "I can't let this go, Hikari. I know Asuka won't, either. You said it yourself. I have to apologize to her, and I won't feel better until I do."

Hikari nodded. "Okay, Shinji. But don't be surprised if she's too angry to forgive you."

Shinji shrugged. "I won't. Her forgiveness is not mine to give."

"Good luck," said Hikari, offering a small smile as she stepped aside.

"Thanks." he returned her smile and continued down the stairs into the courtyard. There were many students in the courtyard, as was routine during lunchtime, and all the benches were full except one under a towering oak. There sat Asuka, leaning forward so that her long auburn locks fell to mask her face. Shinji's pace slowed, a little disheartened by her appearance. He had never meant to say what he did, and he never meant to make her fell so terrible, despite the many times he had wished he could. He stepped him front of her, and paused until he built up the courage to speak. "…Asuka?"

"Go away." came a low feminine voice, thick from crying. Shinji's heart sank when she failed to look up, but he pressed on.

"Listen, Asuka, what I said today…well, I was really angry about what you said, and…I'm really sorry."

"Sorry?" Asuka managed a small, mocking laugh. "Well gee, Shinji, that fixes everything." She finally look up to him, her eyes bloodshot from tears. "You say something outrageously out of turn, embarrass me in front of my friends and people I work with, dig up old memories I would have rather done without, and now you're sorry? What the hell good is that?"

Shinji shook his head. He'd prepared himself the best he could for what she would probably say, but not that she was saying it, his defenses were shattering. "I-I'm sorry, Asuka. I don't know what else to do."

Asuka snorted, her face twisted in a mixture of agony and rage. "How about buying me a plane ticket to another country so I can have a new life, for starters?"

"Asuka, please-"

"And then you can throw yourself off the tallest building you can find."

Shinji gritted his teeth and fought back a breakdown. "Asuka…"

"If you currently don't have the means to purchase a plane ticket or the suicidal tendencies to fall off a building, then get out of my sight."

Shinji had enough. The guilt inside had made a rapid turn into frustration due to Asuka's words. He leaned forward, he fists clenched tightly against his sides. "Why do you have to be so damn stubborn?" he hissed. "After all the things you've said to me and never even apologized, I said only one thing! And when I _do_ try to apologize, you won't even listen! Can't you just listen?"

Asuka jaw tightened, and leaned forward on the bench of that her face was just inches away from Shinji's. "I'll listen when I'm ready," she said flatly. "Now leave."

Shinji straightened, and locked eyes with an enraged Asuka before turning around to walk away, his pride and his determination smashed into pieces once again by Asuka Sohryu.

"Oh, Shinji?" she called behind him. Shinji turned his head, his eyes narrowed around pupils of anger, sadness, and guilt.

"About all those things I said to you in the past? I can't think of even one that even _begins_ to compare with what you said to me this morning," she sniffed back a sob, leaning back on the bench, determined to maintain her control over the end of the conversation. "To be honest, I didn't think you had it in you. Guess I was wrong."

Shinji said nothing. He turned his head and walked away. Asuka's eyes followed him until he was out of sight. When he finally disappeared, she buried her face him her hands, and began to cry once more. Just inside the hallway of the school, Shinji leaned against the wall, silently agreeing with what she said last.

_"You were right the first time," _he thought. _"I didn't have it in me."_


End file.
